By Kat Valdez

Locations: Universal Studios Florida, Universal Orlando Islands of Adventure, Disney’s Hollywood Studios
Photos are mine (© 2024 Kat Valdez with all rights reserved) except where otherwise noted.

A series of unfortunate dating events led to an epiphany, an idea, and a plan. Read about how this Orlando vacation came about in “How to Stop Dating in FoCo” Part I and Part II.

The CliffsNotes version

1. My rollercoaster days are over.
2. Dramamine is my friend.
3. As goddess is my witness, I WILL visit theme parks again.

Prologue

It’s a sunny April morning in Orlando, and this Gen-Xer is leaning over a toilet in a Jurassic World restroom, losing her breakfast.

Thinking about how I could’ve made different choices that morning. The protein bar would’ve been sufficient. It’s the chicken breakfast sandwich that pushed me over the edge.

VelociCoaster photos by Kenny Sabugo on Unsplash

Day 1 of 2 at Universal Orlando’s Islands of Adventure and Universal Studios Florida

In my defense, I didn’t realize the first two rides of the day would be roller coasters. We’d discussed strategy the day before, and maybe I simply didn’t pay close enough attention to the timing of our first-choice rides.

I was so excited to realize my years-long dream of visiting The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando. I had visited the smaller version of it (Hogwarts castle and Hogsmeade) with my sister in 2014 at Universal Studios Hollywood in Los Angeles. The draw of Orlando’s version was Diagon Alley, and the Hogwarts Express train ride from Hogsmeade.

Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure was so much fun! At one point you go up, see the END of the track, and speed down BACKWARD. Then your motorbike DROPS one level, and you continue forward on a different track.

Awesome.

I alternately screamed and laughed as we twisted and sped through scenes with Hagrid and various fantastic beasts, including a unicorn and her foal.

Same for Jurassic World VelociCoaster – scream, laugh, scream, laugh – although the 45-minute wait gave me plenty of time to have second thoughts as I tried to quell my slight nausea and unhappy stomach with meditative breathing…and the thought that I could back out at the last minute.

As we exited the VelociCoaster and hit the restrooms, I told my companions (let’s call them Alice, Betty, and Jordan…two Millennials and a Gen Z) that I needed to sit for a while, and that they should go on other rides without me. I’d meet them later.

I was too embarrassed to say I was queasy and about to be sick. As soon as they left, I raced back to the restrooms. A few seconds later, I briefly wondered, Is my retching causing concern among the women and girls here?

Back at the cafe, I rued my poor breakfast decision. Maybe I’ll feel better if I sit at one of the cafe tables for a while.

I didn’t feel better.

“Excuse me, I’m not feeling well,” I said to the startled cashier, a young man in his 20s. The cafe wasn’t even open yet. “Would you please call someone? I need first aid.”

He scurried off without a word, and a minute later, another employee came over and told me a paramedic was on the way. Mike was very kind, mentioning that many visitors end up needing first aid. We chatted about his recent vacation, and he took out his phone to show me photos of a view from a tall building with twinkling city lights in the background.

The paramedic soon arrived. “JT” gave me a 50/50 mixture of water and disturbingly bright blue Powerade. Checked my vitals. Requested a wheelchair. Then he told me to walk about 10 feet away and back.

“You look great,” he said with an enthusiasm I couldn’t match. (Nausea and a headache will do that to you.) “Some people can’t even walk straight.”

My friends appeared, and said they’d been watching and listening the whole time.

After recommending “no more rollercoasters today,” he had me sign documents acknowledging that I’d been checked and was ready to be set free. I thought, Please don’t leave. I still don’t feel well.

“I feel like I’m going to throw up again,” I said, giving in to the misery.

JT sprang into action. He helped me into the wheelchair, we bid goodbye to Alice and Jordan, then navigated the cobblestone walkways to the medical facility about seven minutes away, with Betty following alongside us. (She had mentioned feeling queasy after the 3D simulation rides and decided to take a break, too.) I crouched low into the seat, watching the feet and legs of theme park visitors from under my wide-brimmed sun hat.

The medical facility was a peaceful oasis in the Florida humidity, and I settled into one of seven reclining chair-beds that were arranged in a semi-circle; they had the curtain tracks in the ceiling that you see in hospitals, to pull the privacy curtains around each bed.

I was the only patient.

They gave me acetaminophen for the headache, and Dramamine for the motion sickness. “Some people don’t realize it treats as well as prevents nausea,” JT said.

Betty settled into a chair. I turned onto my side and closed my eyes. JT checked on me a few times.

It felt like a miracle when the queasiness finally subsided. “You were as white as a sheet,” Betty said, describing how I looked when we entered the facility.

Turns out she was experiencing her own nausea journey, and vomited in the restroom as well as in the hallway trash bin while I was napping.

After thanking JT and the staff, we met Alice and Jordan just outside the medical facility, and started to walk away as we discussed next steps. I didn’t notice immediately that Betty had stepped aside to projectile vomit into a conveniently-located trash bin.

“Oh, Betty is…,” Alice began, then quickly averted her eyes. Jordan and I did the same. We were concerned, but also wanted to give her privacy.

Once Betty joined our circle a minute later, it was clear what we needed to do. Alice and Jordan would continue their day at the park, and Betty and I would return to the hotel to recover.

We walked all the way back to CityWalk, then to the hotel shuttle. It was a relief to return to the room and take a nap. I knew I probably wouldn’t leave the hotel again, but Betty felt well enough later to shower, put on makeup and a nice skirt and blouse, and join Alice for dinner at CityWalk. I relaxed for the rest of the day and evening, leaving the room only to grab a sandwich from the cafeteria downstairs and buy Dramamine at the gift shop.

The next morning I was refreshed and ready for fun. Day 2 went well. Of course it did: Betty and I popped Dramamine every four to six hours.

Read highlights of our awesome, Emergency-Free Day 2 at Universal Orlando below!

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Want to experience these rides without risking motion sickness? Watch these videos. Maybe not on a full stomach.

Ride #1: Hagrid’s Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure | Details
Ride #2: Jurassic World VelociCoaster (“Two intense launches. Four inversions. It’s a new species of roller coaster.”) | Details

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Day 2 of 2 at Universal Orlando’s Islands of Adventure and Universal Studios Florida

Top 5 Favorite Things

5. Drinks to go. As in, alcoholic drinks. We had a delicious lunch at a restaurant on the lake, Lombard’s Seafood Grill, a taste of San Francisco. We prepared to pay the bill and leave, and were pleasantly surprised when our server asked, “Would you like another drink to take with you?”

I did a double take. “Really?”

He smiled. “Sure. As long as you drink it within the park.”

Alice accepted the offer — of a refreshing Lombard’s Mule (vodka, ginger beer, and a squeeze of fresh lime) — as did I, of a blissfully cold unsweetened iced tea.

4. Hogwarts Express train ride between Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley. You get to hear and see (silhouettes of) Harry, Hermione, and Ron walking by the frosted windows of your train car, and see Hagrid waiving at you as you travel through the forest.

3. Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon. This was an unexpected, thrilling delight. You may end up being the only one of your friends who’s been on the first roller-coaster ON THE MOON. The trip between New York City and earth’s lunar neighbor proved to be surprisingly short.

2. Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey. Few theme park rides beat this soaring adventure over the sweeping lake and forests near Hogwarts. Hold your slip-on sandals in your lap. You may lose them.

1. Animatronic Harry Potter Interactive Snowy Owl from a shop in Diagon Alley. We split up to find our souvenirs of choice at various shops. While standing in line to purchase my owl, I overheard the little girl in front of me say to her grandmother, “Everyone’s trying to buy an owl. What else is there to buy?” Indeed.

(Note: I have entertained friends and co-workers alike with “Beatrice” ever since. Nothing like an animatronic owl to liven up a farewell pizza party for a departing colleague.)

Bucket List for Next Visit

I was bummed not to go on Harry Potter and the Escape From Gringotts but our local Universal expert Jordan warned me that there’s spinning at one point. I didn’t want to risk ruining my day. Here’s a sneak peek from the Ride Guys and the full ride experience.

I vow to return again one of these years, after the opening of the newest park, Epic Universe that includes The Wizarding World of Harry Potter: Ministry of Magic. After telling her all about the Orlando adventures, my good friend Mia and I agreed we should create a 10-year plan to visit Disneyland Paris and other theme parks around the world. Cultural history, museums, local cuisine, yes…and also theme park fun!

Top 3 Universal Fails

3. The underwhelming climax of the volcano eruption at Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville at Universal CityWalk. Jordan, Betty, Alice and I missed the show by a few minutes as we entered the restaurant. The volcano erupts every hour, a server told me. Three margarita flights and gigantic glasses of water and iced tea later, we eagerly awaited the big event. There was thunder, lightening, and…a dribble of lava followed by a belch. That’s right. The volcano burped.

2. Dry, shriveled, tasteless pretzel from a cart employed by humorless, zombie-like employees. The vibe was strange between the large white young man and the young Black woman, like…trainer and trainee co-worker tension. She was just going through the motions, and didn’t bother to make eye contact. “This would never happen at Disney World,” I thought as we walked away, both about the sub-par snack and the strangely indifferent customer service. Cost: $8

1. Technical difficulties resulting in a disappointing waste of time. See Essential #3 Open Mind below about the debacle that is “The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man 3D” simulation ride. Cost: 1 hour of wait time plus time walking all the way back through the line. “Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me….” I heard one irate guest complain to his group, “We could’ve been on another ride by now.”

Day 3: Disney World: Hollywood Studios

Alice, Betty, and I spent one day at Disney World specifically for Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge, and had a blast.

Did you know Disney World comprises four theme parks? Magic Kingdom, EPCOT, Animal Kingdom, and Hollywood Studios (whose Main Street features The Golden Age of Hollywood buildings circa 1910s to early 1960s).

Top 7 Favorite Things

7. The E.T. Adventure, a slow-moving, suspended dark ride through a forest. It opened in 1990 and is showing its age, but it’s still a charming, nostalgic journey.

6. Dance class with Minnie Mouse. Mickey & Minnie’s Runaway Railway is a dark ride that takes you through different indoor and outdoor landscapes. Housed in what looks like a replica of the historic Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, you sit in independent moving cars that “dance” in sync in Minnie’s studio: “One, two, cha-cha-cha.” Cute.

5. The immersive dining experience at Oga’s Cantina in Galaxy’s Edge. A feast for the senses complete with a droid DJ spinning upbeat tunes, we enjoyed the charcuterie board and other-worldly beverages. Jabba Juice is fun for people of all ages with its Blueberry Popping Pearls. For adults, Fuzzy Tauntaun will make your tongue tingle. See Act Three, #7 of this other story for more details.

4.The Twilight Zone: Tower of Terror. While waiting in line alongside the bougainvillia-draped trellis of the historic-looking hotel, you can hear the screams of passengers riding the spooky, haunted elevator.

3. Millennium Falcon: Smuggler’s Run. We agreed afterward that it would’ve been more enjoyable to simply watch the landscapes of space than monitoring and pushing flashing buttons, but it was still fun. See Act Three, #6 of this other list for more details.

2. Star Tours. The classic 3D simulation ride gives you plenty of bumps and thrills as you speed through space. I enjoyed this even more than Smuggler’s Run. The story has been updated with Cassian Andor and the Jedi Ahsoka addressing you directly.

1. Rise of the Resistance. This thrill ride takes you through so many vast rooms that you think, “Just how big is this place?” You have an opportunity to go again at the end of the day when the wait times are short.

Rare Disney World Fails: Two Examples

1. Before you enter the The E.T. Adventure, Disney cast members furiously type in visitor names into the system so that at the end, when E.T. bids you goodbye, he does so with a personal touch by saying your name. Only it wasn’t synced, so we heard other people’s names instead of our own. A minor bummer but only because Alice made up for it by saying our names in E.T.’s gravelly, monotone voice. Repeatedly. Behhhh-teeee. Kaaaatt.

2. The line for The Twilight Zone: Tower of Terror was more than a smidge too long at about 80 minutes, and there’s not much to entertain you other than the strange juxtaposition of beautiful foliage and screams, unlike the intricately designed tableaux for other rides in Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge.

How to Make a Disney World Cast Member Break Character: Two Examples

1. In Star Wars: Rise of The Resistance, when the First Order guard tells a mother and her children to stand over there on the red line, single file, the mom replies, “I don’t want to stand single file. We want to be side by side.”
   
   After a stunned-into-silence pause, the guard yells, “Single file!” and jabs her finger toward the red line. The family complies this time, chastened, and the guard walks away, shaking her head: “Jesus Christ.”
   
2. At Oga’s Cantina, Alice asks the amiable server if he’s here all the time and he replies, “Oh, yes. I grew up on Batuu.” She follows up with a “No, I mean…” and gestures toward the bar and crowd. His shoulders drop, and he sighs before walking away.
   

After all these wonderful adventures (and one queasy misadventure), this brings us to…

Top 3 Essentials for Adults Visiting Theme Parks

Essential #1: Dramamine

Nobody mentioned this essential item before I left on my first trip to Orlando, Florida. Perhaps my friends have iron stomachs. Alas, I learned the hard way. Don’t leave home without it.

About $9.99 at your local drug store, or $13 at the resort gift shop.

Pro tip: the nice paramedic pointed out that it both prevents and treats nausea related to motion sickness.

Essential #2: Research

Be realistic about what your body can handle. Look up videos of the rides you’re interested in. Answer the questions: How old are you? When was the last time you rode a roller coaster or other spinning, dropping, fast ride?

Then plan accordingly.

If you know you’ll be waiting for your family and friends while they go on the aforementioned rides, make sure you have the theme park app downloaded on your smartphone so you can entertain yourself by looking up wait times for rides you’re interested in. Present your companions with a strategy once you reunite.

Essential #3: An Open Mind

Be flexible. Have a rough outline of what you want to accomplish that day, but be open to unexpected situations.

And don’t waste your time waiting in line for Universal’s The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man 3D simulation dark ride. We tried to, twice. Both times, we waited at least 30 minutes, were almost to the front of the line, then they stopped the ride indefinitely because “Something sinister is going on.” (Say it like you’re an old-timey detective from the 1940s.)

That became our catch phrase throughout the rest of the trip, every time it seemed like the line wasn’t moving, like at The Twilight Zone: Tower of Terror at Disney World: Hollywood Studios. Laughter is the best medicine.

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Would I return to Orlando for more theme park adventures? Not only yes, but hell, yes! Memories to last a lifetime? Sign me up.

Kat Valdez is working on a 10-year plan with another theme park-obsessed friend who wants to visit the ones in San Diego, Orlando, Tokyo, Shanghai, and Paris. A buddy from Denmark told her the wait times in that country’s theme parks (some of the oldest in the world) are no more than 15 minutes. Wow. “Inconceivable!” In the meantime, Kat continues to enjoy writing at the thrilling intersection of pop culture and racial equity.

Read how it all began: “How to Stop Dating in FoCo” Part I and Part II

TheDefiantCurtsy.com: Pop culture through an equity and inclusion lens